Reunited at age 6

Me & My Momma

Semi-retirement is now affording me time to unpack several years of discovery.

Shortly after this photo was taken my mother and I were separated. My grandmother and other folks stepped in to take care of me. Mum popped in and out of my life for several years. It wasn't until I was six years old that I was reunited with her full-time.

Throughout my life, my mother’s personality and emotions shifted––looking back I can see the patterns. For several years at a time she had high energy and was on top of the world. She was confident, well spoken, bright as a whip, professional and classy. Then she’d go through periods of lavish spending followed by a dip in her confidence, paying little attention to her attire and personal grooming. During these periods she was easily agitated and had no filters when interacting with family or colleagues. Over the course of 35 years she suffered from 5 major depressive episodes and attempted to take her life. She would become reclusive and frequently called-in sick for work, yet she was an accomplished analyst and policy writer for one of Ontario's largest Crown Corporations. 

During the height of her career from 1989 - 1998 in order to quell her anxiety she produced over 150 stunning pieces of art. This is just one of my favourites.

Now that all the family secrets have surfaced, it all makes sense. The depression, anxiety, addiction, suicide attempts––she was brilliant, extremely driven, but suffered terribly.

For the last five years I have spent a great deal of time journalling events that occurred during my life in conjunction with the trauma that my mother endured during her childhood through to her death at the age of 77. This is the project that I am now focussing on.

Sandra Topper is a Semi-Retired Aromachologist & Perfumer

Working now on a Memoir: My Mum said. "You can Figure it out when I'm Dead" Family Secrets & Generational Trauma

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